King Tut
by Eastwind
Summary: This is a stange mix of a 1960s Batman episode I once saw, and all the serious animated Batman's. I did create a new character, but she helps the story along. PG for some violence and...junk...
1. Kiki

Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Batman, and if I was you can bet that Harley Quinn and the Joker would be in a lot more shows...but I'm happy with these fan fictions! I did, however, invent Kiki. Also, I sort of took the plot line and the bad guy "King Tut" from a MUCH older episode (back when Batman was played by Adam West) and I thought it would be funny to take the cartoony serious Batman and mix in the goofy nearly plotless episode from the 60s. ENJOY!  
  
Kiki stared down at her beautiful Cleopatra costume. Gold was hanging down from the head dress that was sitting gentally on her shiney black hair. Gold was almost everywhere on her costume. Angelic gold-colored beads were strung on the frill strings hanging down from her sheer scarf, that she'd tied around her waist over the old dark-blue skirt that her mom had given her.  
  
None of the gold was real, but Kiki was almost certain that Bruce Wayne would've made sure that she got real gold if she asked him for it. Her new found boyfriend was a scream.  
  
"What do you think, Bruce?" she said turning her body this way and that so that Bruce could get a good look.  
  
Bruce was sitting at the fancy glass table, trying his hardest not to look as bored as he really was. He was in his Ceasar costume. He really didn't want to participate in the stupid costume ball, where you had to dress up as either ancient Egyptian, Greek, or Roman people. They didn't really have to exist, but Bruce was the guest of honor, as usual. He had to be Ceasar, and whoever he escorted had to be Cleopatra. No exceptions.  
  
Bruce looked up at Kiki. "You look good." he said quietly.  
  
Kiki grinned and said "You're just saying that, Bruce!"  
  
Bruce sighed and remebered what Dick's aunt had said to him before he "excepted" the invataion to the ball.   
"I can't believe you don't want to go!" she's said to him earlier, "Kids today have no idea what a good party is. If you don't go, I'll make sure that Dick never EVER comes to help you with your work again! And that's not just a threat!"  
Bruce nodded and started slowly out the door with his costume under one arm, and the leaf folliage in his hand.  
"And one more thing!" Dick's aunt shrieked, "be kindly and gentle towards the gal you're escprting. A little white lie or two never hurt anyone. She's a sweet girl, but sometimes she doesn't know BEANS about fashion."  
  
"Of course I'm not." Bruce said grinning a little, "Cleopatra herself would be jellous of how good you look!"  
  
Kiki gave a little larger grin, and ran up to Bruce. She gave him a big hug.  
  
"You're so sweet!" she said giggling.  
  
Bruce sighed again. How had he ended up with such a dizty girlfriend? Maybe he was drunk when he'd asked her out. Or maybe just jelllous to the fact that a guy like the Joker could get an interesting girlfriend, while he ended up with an animal rights lady, who claimed she was a cat.   
  
Bruce wiggled a little to get out of Kiki's grip. She may have been scrawny and a little on the short side, but she was stronger than heck.  
  
Even Barbra Gordon was better than Kiki. But if he tried to dump her, it's break her fragile heart. She was so emotional, she cried for days after they decided to watch Titanic. It wasn't even that Jack died at the end. She thought Jack was an idiot. But it was the fact that weren't able to get married, and the old lady stayed single for the rest of her life after that.   
  
She finally let go. She was still grinning her hyper little grin.   
  
"I can't wait for the ball!" she said, "we'll both look great!"  
  
Bruce paused for a minute. He was hoping that he wouldn't have to comment. But the look on poor Kiki's face demanded him to answer the question.  
  
"I...can't...wait...either." Bruce said with a false grin.   
  
Suddenly the corridor burst open.  
  
Dick stomped in, he was wearing a gladiator cotume. He looked very peeved.  
  
"I hate my aunt, I hate my costume, I hate Barbra, and this whole thing SUCKS!" he growled.  
  
Dick stood in front of Bruce and shoved his helmet (which had been tucked under his) in his hands.  
  
"By the way, my aunt LOVES you!" Dick said grumbling, "So you can give her this helmet, and tell her to kiss my a--"  
  
"HEY!" Kiki interupted, "Bruce and I are going to the ball, and we simply ADORE the idea!"  
  
Kiki grabbed Bruces arm and smiled in victory.  
  
Dick gave Bruce a look that said "Is this true?"  
  
Bruce replied with a look that said "No."  
  
"Besides..." Kiki continued. She was begining to think she was sounding very patriotic "Your aunt is a dear lady who wants nothing more than to see her nefew and his father figure..."  
  
Bruce and Dick chuckled.   
  
"...I mean best friend..." Kiki corrected herself after she'd heard the chuckling, "to have tons and tons of fun."  
  
Dick and Bruce sighed in unison. They were both thinking about the crazy things Dick's aunt had done the name of "clean fun". Once she'd declared that poodles were the symbol of fun, and if you didn't cuddle one every say you'd slip done the slipery slope to "grumpy town". They both decided years ago that she was almost as lost upstairs as she could ever be.  
  
"What did Barbra ever do to you?" Kiki said defensively, "She and I are close friends."  
  
Bruce thought "Go figure."  
  
Dick sighed and opened hi mouth to say something, but suddenly the corridors flew open again. This time Barbra clopped in with her brand new high-heeled pumps.  
  
"I heard the most awful knews, guys!" she said loudly.  
  
Dick leaned over to Bruce and whispered, "She has a bad sense of timing."  
  
"Remeber last time when one of Gotham's most renowned professors was shipped off to the sanitarium because he was claiming he was King Tut, and also he was stealing from the jewlery because he wanted 'all the gold in the kingdom'?"  
  
Everyone nodded, almost in unison.  
  
"Well, he's escaped. And the weird thing is--"  
  
Barbra leaned in towards everyone like it was a big secret.  
  
"the ancient empire ball has just gotton someone signed up as king tut."  
  
Barbra shifted her weight and sort of scanned the room aimlessly.  
  
Her eyes laid on Kiki after a minute.  
  
She leaned in towards Bruce and whispered: "What's SHE doing here?"  
  
They both looked over at her. She was twisting a strand of her black hair around her finger.  
  
Bruce sighed and whispered, "I'm not quite sure of that myself."  
  
"It's probably a dumb coinsidence." Dick remarked.  
  
"Even so, we should keep on our toes." Bruce replied.  
  
"Why?" Kiki asked.  
  
"Huh?" Dick siad turning towards her.  
  
"Why should we keep on our toes?" Kiki was looking like a spacey kitten the way she asked the question.  
  
"N-no reason!" Barbra stuttered, "uh...it's just you can never be sure when a mad man's running around!"  
  
Barbra, Dick, and Bruce leaned in towards each other.  
  
"Sorry, I forgot she was there." Bruce whispered  
  
"Yeah, I can't believe how unnoticable the chatter-box can be sometimes." Dick remarked in a whisper.  
  
"But Bruce is right." Barbra whispered, "we really should keep on our toes."  
  
Dick and Bruce nodded.  
  
"YOU GUYS!" Kiki shouted with her arms up in the air.  
  
She slowly put her arms down, and frowned sadly.  
  
"Y-you're keeping a secret from me, aren't you?" she wimpered.  
  
She began to cry enthusiasticly. She turned her heel, and ran out the corridors screaming "I can't take it!"  
  
They all sighed. They all knew that she'd probably ran to Dick's aunt, who was in the mansion library, reading up on Ancient Greece so she could find out the most accurate design for a costume.  
  
Bruce could just picture the frizzy red haired-lady stomping down the hallway, with her arm around Kiki's shoulder. Of course Kiki would still be talking about the bad that Bruce, Dick, and Barbra had done to her. Any minute he knew that Dick's aunt would be pounding on the corridor demanding to see everyone out in the hallway.  
  
Bruce couldn't help but feel like he was being treated like a small child. But he couldn't help it. Dick's aunt was just as mean and intimidating as Hitler could ever get CLOSE to being.  
  
Sure enough a series of loud thuds echoed throughout Bruce's study.  
  
"Don't open the door!" Dick breathed. Any other time everyone would've laughed. But not this time. That was the noise everyone was dreading.  
  
Barbra gulped and tried walked toward the door.  
  
"I'll go, I think she likes me the best." she said quietly.  
  
She slowly twisted the fancy doornob. She creeked open the door just so she could stick her head out.  
  
She shrieked.   
  
Dick and Bruce prepared themselves to be chewed out majorly.  
  
"DADDY!!!" Barbra shrieked.  
  
She opened the door wide open.  
  
Sure enough, there was Commissioner Gordon. He gave Barbra a big hug, and walked straight through the door, with Barbra tagging along.  
  
"You guys look tense. What's the matter?" he asked Dick and Bruce, who were standing like they were ready to fight.  
  
"N-nothing!" Dick stammered, "We were just expecting, uh, someone else."  
  
"Okay. Well I just dropped in to see how your guys' costumes are going. Where's that one girl, uh, I think her name is--Kimi?"  
  
"Kiki. Her name is Kiki. She's...uh, someplace else now, Daddy." Barbra corrected.  
  
"So how are things at the station?" Dick asked.  
  
"Not good." the commsioner sighed, "We got a report of a guy stealing all the gold he could get his hands on."  
  
"He wasn't very professional, either," the commsioner continued, "he took all the stuff in plain view, then demanded the rest of the gold. The jewler wouldn't have given in if the two guys behind him weren't hold very large rifles. We would've caught him, too. If it weren't for his suped-up vehicle."  
  
There was a short pause. Everyone was thinking.  
  
"Was he by chance wearing an Acient Egyptian costume, was he?" Bruce finally asked.  
  
"Hey, that's funny." the commisioner said, "he WAS wearing a crazy costume like that."  
  
The commsioner chuckled.  
  
"If you see a guy in a King Tut costume, report him to the police." he said jokingly. 


	2. DISCOVERED!

"Lookit me! I'm Julius Ceeeeeaaaasar!"  
  
"Shut up!" Bruce stammered throwing his Caesar costume on the floor.  
  
"Man-o, maaaannn you're gonna look like a flake in that costume!" Dick laughed, "Especially with Kiki accompanying you! You two will look perfect together-"  
  
"Shut UP!" Bruce said grabbing Dick by his collar.  
  
"S-sorry man!" Dick clamored nervously.  
  
Bruce sighed and set him back on the floor. He peered out the giant gothic-looking window that overlooked the winding trail up to his mansion.  
  
"I think I should break it off with Kiki." He said halfway to Dick, halfway to himself.  
  
"When?" Dick asked.  
  
"As soon as possible. Maybe even tonight." Bruce said very quietly.  
  
"Just before the ball?" Dick said, "My Aunt Harriet will be either furious or heartbroken! And either way, she'll kill me!"  
  
Bruce sighed again.  
  
"But, hey, who am I to talk?" Dick said quietly, "It's your life. Not mine. Personally, I'd want to get it done quick and painlessly so that Kiki doesn't feel it as much."  
  
Bruce quietly grinned to himself.  
  
"Finally, I'll be able to get that date with Roz without feeling guilty." He said with a little chuckle.  
  
"You'd better call Kiki before you-know-who shows up and wants to go investigate every little thing in the city." Dick added.  
  
Bruce picked up the black 40s-styled phone and dialed the numbers. He paused for a minute, letting the phone ring a couple times.  
  
It rang a few more times. And a few more after that, until finally on the other line he heard a "Hello!"  
  
"Hello…" he said, but he was interrupted by Kiki's ultra-annoying answering machine.  
  
"This is the apartment of Kiki Livingsly. I'm not here right now, so leave a message after the tone and I'll try to call ya'll back as soon as I can!"  
  
Bruce sighed and hung up. He despised answering machines. Maybe it came from his ultimate hate for the one Dick's aunt had bought him for Christmas, which caught on fire when he tried to record a message and kept on punching the "Record" button over and over. It burst into flames, and Bruce decided then and there that all answering machines were wielded in hell.  
  
"She's not there." He said quietly. Dick shrugged and replied "Whatcha gonna do?"   
  
That's when the gothic door-bell rang all around the mansion.  
  
Dick slapped his forehead and mumbled "Guess who that is!"  
  
Only a few seconds later, Alfred showed up with Barbra Gordon at his side.   
  
"You have a visitor Master Bru-" he began, but was almost immediately interrupted by Barbra.   
  
"Guys, we need to make a night patrol tonight!" she said.  
  
Bruce and Dick rolled their eyes almost in unison.  
  
"I think something fishy is going on in-"  
  
"Barbra! Something fishy is ALWAYS going on EVERY night!" Dick shouted, "I swear, aren't you ever SLEEPY?"  
  
Bruce nodded in agreement.   
  
Barbra angered, and thrust herself forward at Dick. She slapped him on the cheek in rage, leaving a little red mark.  
  
"OW! What the heck was that for???" he said rubbing his injured cheek.  
  
"WE HAVE A JOB! It's our DUTY to take care of any illegal-sounding business!" she said patriotically.  
  
Bruce mumbled "She has a point, there."  
  
Dick shrugged and said, "All right. TO THE BAT CAVE!"   
  
  
  
"Who looks like a flake NOW?" Bruce cackled.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Dick said, embarrassed, "Just because you get the cooler outfit doesn't mean you can make fun of me!"  
  
Bruce grinned and said, "Hey widdle wobin! You gonna way an egg fow me?"  
  
Dick growled, and held up his fist, "Listen BAT BUTT! When I get my hands on you, I'll…"  
  
"You mean FEATHERS!" Bruce said, then nearly fell over laughing.  
  
"STUPID BAT!!!" Dick screamed.  
  
"Hey now! What's wrong with bats?" Barbra said stepping out from the other room.   
  
"Nothing. It's just MIDDLE-AGED ones should keep to themselves!" Dick said glowering.  
  
"Whadaya MEAN 'Middle-aged'?" Bruce said angrily.  
  
"B-bat Man?" a meek voice said from the corner, "What are YOU doing here, in Mr. Wayne's house?"  
  
Batman, Robin, and Batgirl all turned around at once and gasped in horror. 


End file.
